@Nerducken's timeline on Twitter
Tweets
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Not to brag but I do get followed alot in real life too you know..by security guards in stores...cops..hobos..and lots of animals.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I was going to block someone for something he said, but he follows me. My principles only go so far.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Piece together our Tweets and create a portrayal of a life that you can accurately judge...we fucking dare you.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Let's role play. You be the great tweeter and I'll be the great follower.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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"Maybe next time he'll think before he tweets." Carrie Underwood. Probably.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Time is money. Neither are real.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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"NOT ON MY WATCH!" - guy who (inexplicably) doesn't want one of those supercool tiny calculators on his watchRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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As I stared into my Maruchan instant noodles, I saw Cheap Trick playing live. But, it was just their new stuff. :(
#jsntf ftwot -
Shhhh. Be quiet. Don't talk. Shut it & shut it now. Shut up! Shut your mouth! SHUT THE FUCK UP! -The key to world peaceRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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"Look at me! Look at me!" - Toddlers. And everyone on twitter.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Sometimes sarcasm is scarey and hard to grasp...*pats your head softly*Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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ME. No grammar, no punctuation.. I can barely understand half the people I follow. SIS. Why bother? ME. Desperate to feel something.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The humour in a tweet is inversely commensurate with how long it took to jesus fuck this tweet is boringRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I trash Finding Bigfoot, but I'll damned well bet I'll watch them not find bigfoot for another season.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Take a deep breath.. we're all in this together.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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i learned quickly that you say ok when someone asks how you are and not numbRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Beauty is everywhere, intelligence takes many forms, common sense is better than money but kindness is the sexiest quality of allRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Enough with the fucking creepy hobbit shit already.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Sorry. Just can't handle someone that continues to belittle the beliefs of some. Your 1000's of followers mean zero to me.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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TL is full of love and smiles and bullshit.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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There is really no shortcut to feeling good about yourself... it simply requires doing good for others.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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~ "Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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not a day goes by without me thinking i've finally read the worst tweet ever.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Self righteous tweets are precursors to psychological breakdowns.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Ya know how when ya wake up feelin worse than when ya wenta bed, but then the cobwebs clear and you're like "Wow I'm all better"? Not that.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If I could change one thing about the world it would be this lady's haircut.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Twitter ~ Where no one knows what the fuck's going on and everyone's happy with that.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Sometimes you win, sometimes you slap them upside the head.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Happiness - Ability to stay totally out of touch with reality 100% of the time, I can see that is old news to all of you.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Almost tweeted something cool, but cut my thumb on a taquito when my phone froze in a 3-way and I wondered about an Eiffel Tower instead.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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14 hours sober. Bitter, body aches, snotty, old. This may be the real me. Lady at work said, "Good morning." She won't do that shit again.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Dibs on the story in which Alice in Wonderland bath salts her way straight to rehab and Aladdin goes on the lam w/ Billy Joe and Bobbie Sue.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Coming up with something stupid to say, just to keep the conversation going.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Who do I have to fuck to get off of this boat?Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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You'd be surprised what you can learn to do in the dark. Like when taking a whiz, if you hear the cat run, you're prob not hitting the bowl.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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For the last couple weeks my nights have ended with weed, twitter and P-Funk. Can I get a hell yeah?Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Putting ducktape over my bandages so that they don't get wet in the shower. I can already tell this is a stupid idea.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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So many of you. Are soooo beautiful. Dear God, I hope you know that.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If we used our words more often for good things, what a wonderful place this could be.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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My hidden agenda won't tell me what's going on.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Why is it that the people who have the poorest perception of what they are doing are always the most fully cocksure about their dumbfuckery?Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The voices in my head are usually having sex & sometimes they let me watch. I asked once why the ball gag was so big, but they ignored me.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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What does Spiderman wear for protection? A peter parka.
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Sometimes you just have to scratch your butt in public.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Whaddya think of the new Twitter subsidy program paying us to tweet less? ["No program. Applies to 1 guy."] Who? ["You."] *sigh*
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I'm going to sleep now; please don't wake me up by touchin' my peen.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I think I've been blocked by 3 new people. Or some people I followed twittercided. It's way more exotic to imagine they blocked me.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I feel like saying “I love you” to everyone that’s being nice to me.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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So, I'd prepared a little speech about the futility of this world & the persecutory concept of time,but the ceiling of 140,doesn’t allow me.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Why'd I lend that cow my horn? She went to foof. Got corn & shit on the handle. Lit the farts with a candle. Got poo on my shoe.
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Therapy session with the X boyfriend tomorrow afternoon... I'm gonna live tweet the whole thing. Too bad he's not following me...Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Been there, done that, got the straightjacket.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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People look at you funny when you say, "That's what Jesus said!" in, "That's what she said!" scenarios.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Thanks to all you wonderful folks for adding me to your Fstar list. But I'm blocked there.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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At some point , drunk tweets aren't funny anymore. I don't know those points.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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It's like, OK dad, I'll bite. How embarrassing am I??Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Was dozing off waiting on Twitter to redeem itself. Dreamed I saw Facebook and Twitter streetwalking together. They'd swapped heads.
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You'll be pleased to know that you can sign a pro-privacy petition through the main page of Mozilla's Firefox. Which the NSA is monitoringRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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So, if a bunch of unicorns is called a blessing, I wonder what a bunch of unicorn poop called? Pondering for my socks in the laundry.
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I hear the pitter patter of the twitter chatter on my safety helmet. I think it’s tapping out SOS in Morse code, & spelling it wrong.
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This door's ajar so that I can put my door jamb in it.
#tbot#thebookoftweet -
I turned on my robot slinky at Great Wall. Police: “Make stop!” I pushed Off spring. Got 10 kids. Broke Chinese law. Now I’m in jail.
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Got book called, “The Hidden Messages in Water," but by time I read it, it was too late. Took bath with my answering machine already.
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Ok, now I know. You can't catch catch an egg. What? Why'd I keep throwing 'em at you? Because I didn't wanna keep carrying carton.
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Damn Typos and Auto-Incorrect and the government and incorrectly battered fish.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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It's time to quit retail when you're perched on tower in kids' books with crossbow screaming, "BRING IT ZOMBIES!" & they're just customers.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Too high to follow The Dukes of Hazzard storyline.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I just wrote a really funny tweet about draft tweets and saved it to my drafts folder because THE WORLD ISN'T READY FOR THIS SHIT.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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My former coworker claimed she didn't get hair on her toe knuckles. Pfft.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Sometimes when the only tool you've got is a hammer all your problems begin to look like people who need to be hit in the head with a hammerRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If God IS up there looking down on everything we do I'm fairly certain he spends a great deal of his day face palming :/Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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What this country needs are more honky tonks.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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'i think i've created muenster' -cheese factoryRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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do you ever drink a glass of water? what's going on thereRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Well, it's official. My tweets are wack. They've hit the bottom of the barrel. No, not the 'wack barrel'. The 'even wacker' barrel.
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7's make me feel awkward & uncomfortable.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Let me check my priorities: People before machines; Children & aged before us; Beauty before pretty; Listen to the hurt; Be kind & play niceRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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You go to drain the goose & instead a pond of geese gets drained to find Lao Tzu's lost Zeus thunderbolt, so zoo man bans you. That.
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Well, I stand corrected & in a buttload of pain. Soon as I called them all a buncha rat bastards, their father bit the shit outta me.
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The pug dreamed of growing up to be a rebel thug boxer that wore briefs, exclusively.
#tbot#thebookoftweet -
There's a hot guy at this party. I might have to show the girls.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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In my other world I totally understand what you just said.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Jed’s A Millionaire band: “Cottonfields”.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RZh4j6HKZE&sns=tw … via
@youtubeRetweeted by Rupert NerduckView media -
Retweeting is a kind and generous act like helping a little old lady cross the road.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I don't care what anyone says. Taking off a bra with one hand should be considered an Olympic sport... Falls into bed.. Exhausted..Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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One day I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. So I broke the mirror.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I have to get over the immoral damnation I have with buying my own sex slave before I can buy Twitter followers.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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People say they are passionate about things. They say things like, 'I am passionate about envelopes.'Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I know what you're thinking. It's too late for me to get into the Rap game. We shall see.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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"Wow. Long week. I'm wiped." - my assRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Two heads aren't better than one if you're both stupid.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Going to change my avi to just a capital letter. I think it'll be a '3'.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Dude, you should totally scroll up and talk to her.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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"I'm pretty sure that girl behind me just clapped in joy as she pulled her car into this Taco Bell drivethru" - girl in car in front of me.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Who put the ram in the ramalammadingdong?
#BadJeopardyAnswersRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand -
I play guitar, get a stupid ass thought, stop, & tweet it. I'm having my own personal episode of Hee Haw.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life, define yourself~H FirestoneRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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~ "The point is not to pay back kindness but to pass it on." – Julia Alvarez ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not. - Ana Monnar ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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RT
@LoveScopes: Let life be a fantasy~ Allow it to tease & tantalize your mind ~ Kaz ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand -
DM: I'm following you ironically.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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This dialogue between Chance & Destiny is my logout tweet for today. I will return sooner next time… https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XRywJkM3WCY# …!Retweeted by Rupert NerduckView media
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Space aliens are probably light years ahead of us with their advanced couch technology.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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My Earth Day plans? Just hang out with the Earth, and then maybe watch some TV with it later.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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you can't spell 'go to bed' without 'no'Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I really must schedule a come to jesus meeting with the birds.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Hubby called the neighbors 2day, because their lights were on at 2 a.m.He asked if everythng was OK & found out it was none of his businss.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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In Disney movies when they say ''And they lived happily ever after'' they never explain whether it was together or apart.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Hope u like it. pic.twitter.com/fibFsJjkpzRetweeted by Rupert NerduckView photo
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Dear all drivers of the world, Blinker before brake. Say it with me. "Blinker BEFORE brake." Blinker, then brake. BLINK BLINK BLINK, BRAKE.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away ~Bil Keane, ♎ ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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any 1 out there with their very own island that is interested in starting a completely hallucinogenic themed commune...own apt works tooRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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*This is not a tweet* Just thought you could use some eye candy in your TL. Just paying it forward, people.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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"When I saw that my cat's food DIDN'T include my vagina, I thought 'My cat's not eating that!'" - How we interpret most cat food commercialsRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Thanks to all the people that make an effort to keep Twitter a fun and safe place for us to come and be appreciated for being ourselves.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I'm pretty sure that finding out a new pope was chosen from Twitter means I've fully left the church.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Wives: If you ever need some "alone time," just send your husband out for Red Zinger™ tea. It took mine an hour and three stores to find it!Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The scotch must have kicked in because I whispered the shit out of that derogatory commentRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I don’t see how he can snore that loud & not wake up.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Hey - Do we as a Nation need to have that one talk again? Y'know, about shorts and black socks? Because that's where the violence comes fromRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I don't wanna be TOO famous. Just famous enough that people start incorrectly crediting things I say to Mark Twain.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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They gotta make a 'Friends' film where all the actors reprise their roles. Except of course for Courtney Cox who's replaced by Nelly FurtadoRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Jesus christ, what does your Tweet even mean.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I have a soft spot for the absurd ones here.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Anyone know where I would be able to purchase a walking harness for a middle-aged female? My mother's bothering the neighbours again.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I watch cartoons with my lil' sisters, only because when they ask me something... -I AM ALL KNOWING- godly pose*Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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About to get thrown out of Home Depot.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Fuck off you little force to be reckoned with. *Subtweet to self*Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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My twitter feed is always like one dude infatuated with me and a bunch of people whispering disagreement with everything I say.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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It's time to make change! "You mean, make a change?" *shakes head no & backs into coin star machine*Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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When society collapses & history books are burned, it'll be fuckin hilarious when the aliens try to decipher fact from fiction on Twitter.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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You'd appreciate this tweet way more if you could see how handsome I am.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If you're my friend. There's never a need to hurt me. I've always been broken. Just accept me & love me.. unconditionally.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Why doesn't McDonald's have onion rings? Also, Ross was my least favorite Friend.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Put a balloon filled with grape soda under your shirt. Go into McDonalds. Pop balloon. Yell GRIMACE MY WATER JUST BROKE. Steal fries. LeaveRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The ballet slippers hanging above my headboard really have to go. If anything I should tape a gutted chip bag up there.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I look forward to growing old and eating wet cat food with you.
#LoveTweetRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand -
It's nice when a man can look you in the eyes even if it's only because he has a 3rd nipple and is simply unimpressed that you only have 2.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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See, if I get a job, I can't sit there & massage my boob like I'm doing right now, on my couch, talking to my only friends on the internets.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Employment is overrated, I have degree.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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if you are like me and have so many one socks go talk to steveRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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You guys are my codependent enablers, accelerating my cognitive dissonance. that's all I learned in rehab.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The worst part of working so much is not knowing what joke formats are currently 'in' on twitter right now. Plus, fucking tired. Word.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Hes calling me dumb b/c I've answered "I don't know" to every questions he's asked, yet HE keeps asking me questions. Who's the dummy?Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Yeah, I do yoga a few times a week. And by yoga I mean shave my legsRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The thing I hate most about retweeting & favoring is not being able to star & retweet EVERYONE. Retweet people. Lots of talent out there.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I take Twittter breaks to re-grow brain cells. You can damn near run out if you're not careful.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The man on TV says he thinks Jonah's whale was a submarine built by a race of undersea dwelling extraterrestrials. Meesa don't likin' da.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Lets all agree that when inbred hillbillies are allowed to orate on public airwaves that its not to be taken seriously.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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'Weird Twitter' implies that there is a part of Twitter that isn't weird.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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My favorite part about twitter is where we can openly be friends with whomever we like and everyone else shuts the fuck up about it.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I know plenty of Spanish. Amigo = friend. Pequeno = little. Gracias = thank you. Soy sauce = I am sauce.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Rappers and hip hop artists: Please stop using the same word to rhyme with itself. Don't you know that doesn't count?Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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We'll wait to subtweet you until we're sure your dumb ass is asleep.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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When I make $1,000,000 off these tweets, I'm gonna hire a guy to separate the chocolate out of my Neapolitan. The other 2 flavors are lame.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I think I might've hit the point of diminishing returns with human interaction.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Me: say what? Me: What. Me: shut up. Me: but you told me to say it....Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right nowRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Try 2 explain Twitter 2 friend. Fact I am followed by horse, 3 dogs, cat, brown paper bag and a vegetable I don't recognise, doesn't help.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I asked the waitress if the "Surf and Turf" special is some kind of shaggy fish taco. I thought it was a perfectly legitimate question.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Okay, pms is getting to me. Crying because people are nice to me on twitter.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If you knew how many times I hit 'comment' then 'cancel' half way through you'd thank me. Or unfollow. Or both. Maybe neither. Meh, whatevs.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Do people who live where hurricanes happen still like to be rocked like one?Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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There are many bad things happening. There are many good things happening...the tricky thing is enjoy and balance. To experience and let go.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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When I see a 4yo tweet get RTed, I think “wow, wisdom from the Ancient Ones”Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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have you a hand with which to pet me? o.ORetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Instead of sending me on a meaningless search for information no one cares about, send me of on a vandalism spree. I'll start with ur house.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Another day at the game with those who don't play fair. Another point to prove with those at the top who are ungrateful.But we laugh thru itRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Isn't it refreshing to know that we will all go down in history as the great philosophers of our time?Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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In Heaven, there will be dairy cows singing in our showers. Forever.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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There are those who mock your stupidity, and those who gladly help you learn. Hats off to the kind ones!Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Only when I can let go of one thing or another, will something new come to me...Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Sometimes if you relax when things are falling apart......those parts fall exactly into place.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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It all went to hell when attacking what we hate became more important than defending what we love.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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You see, that's the advantage of being a mentally disabled employee. You can destroy anything & they can't do anything about it.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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find what's good in the mythology find what's wise find what's honorable find what's loveRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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They got my McFucking order wrong.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Think about how you would like to be portrayed in a movie & treat people accordingly.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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somethin in the air a nefarious crumpled box appears says "open when ready" fidgety & twitchy at 1st she knew to open it she had to not careRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Today is a day with a name The name of "Good", a little inane A day you eat a bun that's angry & hot Buns that are hot? I like them a lot!Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Getting “your princess is in another castle” as a tramp stamp.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I have to say this.....If you unfollow anyone on this TL, it's because you don't know reality. Get with it. Life isn't a god fart.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Just saw Zooey Deschanel's forehead without bangs in a hair commercial and now I don't know what's real anymore.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The floor was still wet and I hid dirty pots and pans in the oven. Been doing yard work for days, and now the appraiser just left. Beer me.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Not only am I the president of sweaty girl butts dot com, I'm also a client.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Made some major life changes today: Carrying my keys in my left pocket now. Also using Album View on iTunes.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I'm not going to tell anyone how to do twitter, discover and learn as in real life but don't give up.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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There's a lot of people on here that seem to think that weird is a substitute for funny. It's not.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Now if you decided to watch cartoons, take some good pillz, and eat a pizza before noon... THAT I would love to hear aboutRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I'm single because monogamy. It's not my thing.Nobody's asked to be monogamous with me but whatever.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Borrow the tweets all you want. They are all watermarked with my DNA. You’re basically using my Viking semen to help spread the good word.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If a friend's fly is down in public, I silently flop a boob out so they don't feel self-conscious.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Don't fret about your follower count. More followers just means more people who don't get your jokes.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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'I don't think there's a place where people understand loneliness more than here.'Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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There's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is. But it's like a splinter in your mind driving you mad.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Got a job that requires me to be sober. So sad.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If I ever become disgruntled with my current employer,I'm entitled to 6 servers, 8 routers, all of the copper, & the bipolar admin assistantRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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All together and by the numbers. 1-click on a tweet. 2-click on Favorite. 3-click on Retweet, click Retweet. Very good. Now again 1-click...Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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In heaven everybody kickflips.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Applied for another job today. Pretty sure if we don't get this one we're going to their office to throw a tantrum on the floor.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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2all dTweeps who follome Me offa thnx 2lady, gentleman, gleefully 2Bogan &2Skanx I offa my gratitude&such I like uall, let's just not touchRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I had one thing I wanted to do this weekend - eat 40 pancakes at one sitting - and of course I never even got to IHOP. Me & my grand plans.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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life ~ the funniest thing that isn'tRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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It's just my eyes, nose, phone & fingers sticking out from the covers. So awesome. I'm cozy. You can't see me. It's like we're not here.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I guess people who don't tweet all day long do stuff.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I feel sorry for the coins in the fountain that don't make it into the cool coin club...think I'll go & save them & possibly buy some pizzaRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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When are the next elections for queen? I want to run against Queen Elizabeth.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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To be fair I suggest rock, paper, scissors. None of which beats boob flash so I do everything around here..........with a smile on my face.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Hope this doesn't sound horribly racist, but I kinda don't like people who talk about the projected futures of their companies.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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While I nodded nearly napping, suddenly there came a scratching, then a screaming and meowing, shut the fuck up cat-- Poe if he had a catRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I once knew a man who made a room out of garage doors & showed films of his wife giving him head. It was odd but the films were fairly good.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Reaching out for you, reaching out for me~ Swinging for fingertips that brush so tantalisingly~ Inwardly I shake~ Touch or not, I ache.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I sure hope you don't get laid cause we don't need anymore inspirational tweeters <3Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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One who has reason on his side has no need to shout loudly. ~ Unknown
#LoveScopes ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand -
I really don't want to follow people that steal tweets--not because it's a crime but why can't you think of your own idiot tweets.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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You're all silly. And I like it. And love most of you. So shut it poopy head XxxRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I hate when a guy ruins my new shirt by sticking his hands and his face inside while I'm trying to write this fucking tweet.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Remember, don't just unfollow. Be sure to block me on your way out too. Gotta keep them numbers at +2 ;-)Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The secret to twitter? Don’t be an asshole.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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All I wanna do is a tweet where I can use "rolls eyes and does jerk-off motion"...Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Most of my job involves a lot of slouching.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Remember when just seeing a nipple slip was enough to get you off? Now we need hi-def cream pies while we're high and the dog is barking.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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What's simultaneously so inexpressibly sad and yet also so wonderful is this: life goes on.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Twitter makes single vehicle accidents fun & utility pole ownership possible.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Everyone is full of random senseless shit that's only stokes egos. That's the essence of every tweet.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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It's like happy people are just begging to be openly mocked.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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thankfully, if you swear loudly and regularly, whole groups of people stop talking to you altogether.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I almost certainly fuck things up & get it wrong. Often. Always(?) But my stupid heart's in the right fucking place.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If you get me sick you must massage my feet, make me cupcakes and organise little people unicorn jousting. I don't make the rules. Ok I do.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I would love to make a real, emotional connection with a man who wouldn't mind making booze runs.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The problem nowadays is that the stupid are fucking confident and the smart are insecure.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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Wisc. Man w/ vitamin D deficiency punches baby on plane. Dane Cook prime suspect.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I stayed up for this? This is ALL late-night twitter hasta offer?? Falls over on bed. Fine. Just get it over with.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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if we were bears i'd wrestle you and then we'd walk down by the river and get some honey and get our paws all stickyRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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*sneaks in* *throws a shoe at your head* *whispers* "Hi... Shhhh... Goodnight. Ok, bye." *blows a kiss* *slaps own ass* *sneaks out* *cries*Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I was super excited until I learned it was a math thing and not a chocolate cream filled thing. :(Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up. - Albert Einstein ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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If you can’t explain it to a six year old, you don’t understand it yourself. - Albert Einstein ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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~ "Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it." – William C. Durant ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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They say you're only as good as your last tweet to gain followers. So... I'm slipping this one in here to avoid ANY misconceptions.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I'm gonna go to twitter. It will make me feel better.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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After going to Walmart and looking around, I'm pretty sure I'm the cream of the crop.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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" Curses! Foiled again!!" ~ Leftovers~Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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okay, I can see trouble approaching; it’s wearing cowboy hat.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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*note to self* Do more Al Sharpton jokesRetweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I told my daughter if she worked hard she’d end up just like me. Then she cried herself to sleep.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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I know I'll lose followers over this, but I'm just gonna say it--the Safety Dance isn't a very good song.Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
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"Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together." – Vincent van Gogh
#LoveScopes ♥Retweeted by Rupert NerduckExpand
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 3:21 PM 0 Comments